Wrestling

I need to put this somewhere, so here it is.

It has been a peaceful, calm, easy last 6-ish weeks. I felt settled. Loving it here. Settling here. After 4 years, it's about time to really do that.

Then, last week, I taught a lesson in my ladies group about when Jacob wrestled with God. As I planned it, I realized I hadn't really wrestled with God about much of anything lately. Life has been good. 1/2 hour before teaching the lesson, however, Jon got a call that would lead to much wrestling. The next morning, my other Bible study was on the same lesson. More wrestling. More words I listened to, wrote down, and am still absorbing, processing. Then a good talk with a dear friend with more words I needed to hear.

"We often step out of His will while trying to do His will"

"Do whatever God has told you....His way"

"Blessing comes with a high price of obedience"

Then this from a blog today...

"Moving hurts when the living has been done well. If there are tears and a ripping in our hearts then we have succeeded in really living and not gotten lost in the busyness of life. This move will leave an ache in every one of us and by that we know we have loved and been loved well."

Then there's my girls. Great phone conversation with one yesterday, she's so beautiful. Great evening with another one last night, so good to get to know her better, she's so amazing. Then a great fb message from another. The growth she has exhibited, the sensitivity she has to God's voice, she's so inspiring. How could I think of leaving these girls? What would I do without them?

Here, I am living. Here, I am involved. Here, I am being used. To encourage, to cheer others on, to love. Here, I am learning. Here, I am growing. Here, I am loved.

I think about where we might move. It could be beautiful, peaceful, nice. But it won't be here. Where my life is.

But if that call was the call. What can I say about it?

So torn!!

And also struggling with sadness for a dear friend and the pain in her life.

All weighing heavily on my mind. All causing wrestling.

Not to mention that Jon started back to work at Scotts this week, thus we are in the middle of another adjustment phase.